March 10, 2020. An almost ordinary evening. A casual trip to the grocery store, a little later than preferred means another dinner past 9pm. Some general chit chat, chopping veggies, news in the background- absorbing only a fraction of the speech as the head of the country speaks on the latest updates. “Non c’e piu”, “red zone”, “emergenza”. These phrases and words stand out but have nonetheless become a regular part of our discourse these days. That night however was different, as within a number of hours, doors would be locked and streets empty as a desert wave would take over the bustling city. The entire nation has been immediately shut down.

Living under extreme measures some may have felt the pinch of anxiousness trapped between four walls. The freedom to venture out, go to work, and come and go as we please has been abruptly stopped. The irony is though that, for me, I felt little change. There lingers the initial worry about loss of work, ability to pay bills and financial freeze, but otherwise the necessity to stay alone indoors did not have a dramatic effect. And after two weeks in the confines of a single apartment, that reality strung a chord.

To quickly rewind, moving to a new country- leaving family, friends, a career, a comfortable home, social circle- a whole life really, has left me more ‘on my own’ than ever before. Luckily, with a strong companion by my side, that burden has some light and my day to day life has enough engagement, affection, and versatility to keep me well balanced. My ‘free time’ then, as many can relate, is a juggling act. Working 3 different jobs, while maintaining my own art business, keeps my general time and mind well divided. Days therefore pass quickly, if I’m lucky I’ll get a solid half day of uninterrupted painting a week, with a sprinkle of brush time here and there. The point being that, through almost all of it, I am alone. No colleagues to pass the time, socializing coffee breaks or team efforts, just me.

Before all of this I would joke that I live a life of near isolation, where those that I have regular human contact with can be counted on one hand. That is not to allude loneliness however, as being ‘lonely’ has nothing to do with being alone. On the contrary, over the last two weeks I’ve had more phone calls, facetime, and chats with loved ones than I have in two months. I have in fact always been perfectly content in my own company, and finding ‘things to do’ is eternally a non-issue. As a creator I have enough fleeting ideas and projects to pass a lifetime. The question is rarely ‘what is there to do’ but ‘what do I want to do first’.

During this period of lockdown then there was the idea that, just maybe, I could be provided with that ‘extra time’ to indulge in some long awaited projects. In reality, I’ve done little more now than I likely would have done otherwise, perhaps only with people around me more constantly than before. Being one of the fortunate ones that could continue work remotely during this period has meant that those responsibilities haven’t gone away. I still must move from task to task, and compartmentalize my time and days between what must get done first (the least desirable) and the ‘extras’. The ‘extra’s’ are generally what feed my soul and engage me creatively. These extras that week by week are usually left flickering on the back burner, waiting for my time and energy to be just right. And that’s the thing with creative processes, it not only requires physical time, but space in your mind. Mental space free from distraction and responsibilities. Even as I write this, my laptop sits prepped in front of me waiting for my attention. But sometimes, when the moment calls loud enough, even those lurking responsibilities must be put off, to embrace a moment of inspiration.

So, the days and hours pass, perhaps more fluidly than before, and in many ways my life exactly today, 14 days of quarantine, looks not much different than a couple weeks ago. I try to calculate in my mind what that says, about my current life, my time, my freedom. At first it made me sad, but under another light I am able to realize that what it really illustrates is freedom. Perhaps not the freedom of luxury, material possessions, or fancy experiences, but of life. While I often dream about the things I am not free to have and do, I am now able to remind myself that freedom is a state of mind and that my time and dreams are in my own hands. In this period of turbulence doors have closed, but hearts have opened, and with that a gentle reminder that in fact we are not isolated- only distracted. May this be an opportunity to regain control, to embrace the things that matter, and do away with the mental blocks that disable creativity. Isolate your mind, and free your soul.